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Dear Arte,
I am a 21 year old woman with what seems to be an age old problem. Most of the time when my boyfriend and I make love I don't climax. I have discovered that almost the only way I can is by being on top, However, he loves being in control. He also has a "little" problem with control. At times I wonder if it isn't just the fact that I am so much younger than he is. He's 33. I know that it really bothers him to know that I don't get as much out of our love making as he does. What can I do to make this wonderful event better for both of us? Please Help, Nichole Dear
Nichole,
Thank you for your thoughtful question. Your boyfriend should be congratulated for having such a mature and sensitive young lady friend. First off, I want you to know how great it is that you can achieve orgasms with your boyfriend during sexual intercourse in the "on top" position. So many women complain of their inability to achieve sexual climax at all, let alone during sex with another person. So the fact that you can come with him inside you is something you should both really appreciate and feel lucky about. Personally, I sometimes feel uncomfortable during sex if the woman is riding me on top. The angle can be painful for my penis if she is tilting it the wrong way. Despite the pain, I'll usually let the woman enjoy this position (at least for a while) because I like to watch women get off and experience pleasure. If they can have an orgasm like that, so much the better. You say that you know your boyfriend has a " 'little' problem" with you being "in control." How do you know this? Have you discussed it, or are you just presuming that's the problem? You should definitely talk about what it is that bothers him about you being on top. You also say that your boyfriend feels like you're not getting as much from sex as he is. Seems like you're both judging the quality of sex by the quantity of your orgasms. Exposure to Tantra has recently removed my former emphasis on having ejaculations and orgasms. Now I find great satisfaction from the intimacy I experience during sex with someone I'm attracted to or care about. I used to go into every sexual encounter with the goal of coming. Now, with that goal no longer driving my experience, I find sex to be a joy whether or not I climax or my lover does. This new emphasis on pleasurable intimacy frees us both up to enjoy the entire experience rather than just the climax. If you want to be certain that you and your boyfriend are indeed doing everything possible to achieve the ultimate sex experience together, I highly recommend you get the New Sex Instituteís instructional video "New Sex Now", which explains and demonstrates how to help any woman enjoy female ejaculations and G-Spot orgasms, and how to combine that with sexual intercourse for simultaneous ejaculations. If you have never experienced these orgasms, I promise they will change your sex-life forever. At the very least, you'll both know that you're each getting the most intense sex possible. Please write back and let me know how everything goes for you two. I'd really like to know! Sincerely, Arte Founder, New Sex Institute |